so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
