Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
