I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
