You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
