So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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