i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
