I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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