I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize