Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
