You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
