just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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