pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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