There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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