i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
