Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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