Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
