I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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