I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
