I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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