I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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