I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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