thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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