she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
