So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize