I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
