Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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