This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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