Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
