i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
