sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
