Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
