she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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