It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
