Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
