i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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