I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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