Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
