So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
