I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
