I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize