I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
