I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
