He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
