Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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