so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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