i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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