Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
