I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
