I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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