if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
