I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize