Who wears a wallet chain?!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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