I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize