who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My breasts were aching with rage.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
