guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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