I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
