Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
