on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
