Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize