come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize