Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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