Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
