You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
