i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
