It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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