so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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