I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
