Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
