i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
