I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
