I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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