I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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