I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
