Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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