i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
