Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
