Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
