the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
