dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
