i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
