a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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