All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
