my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
