I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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