remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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