I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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