It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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