just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
