My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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