Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
