i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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