Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
