I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
