so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
